It is incredibly difficult for those who have no experience with IVF to understand it. The IVF road can become very long and lonely in a world that seems filled with babies and where it appears that every other woman gets pregnant with ease.
Couples and individuals going through IVF will experience stress and a range of emotions along the way; hope, despair, anger, disappointment, excitement. Strategies to help cope with the more negative emotions are essential.
Support Group
If possible find a support group of people who are also going through IVF, or start one yourself. Meet for dinner once a month and enjoy the company of other people who are also sharing the journey you are on. The comfort, the camaraderie, the sharing of hurts and also of laughter can help you feel less lonely.
Trusted Friends
Identify one or two friends whom you can call on for an ear to listen to you, for a hug, or just to be with when you need it. You would be able to share where you are up to with your IVF with these people, so that they can be there for you when need arises.
Talking
It is so important to keep the lines of communication open between yourself and your partner (if you have one). Sharing feelings and thoughts can help you both feel closer to each other and more aware of how each other are going along the way. Make time to talk and make time to be together.
Make Other Plans
While you hope that within the next year you will have a baby to occupy your time, it is possible it won’t happen as quickly or easily as you had hoped. It is very healthy and important to have other plans and things to look forward to as well. Perhaps you can make plans for a holiday, or you might take up a new hobby, or you might start a course of study. Naturally you will want to make these plans flexible in case your baby does turn up soon.
Journaling
Journaling is a wonderful way to recognise and move through your thoughts and emotions. You don’t have to share your journal with anyone, but it can help you in clarifying anything that you might wish to share with someone else. There are no set rules for what type of journal, how often you should write in it or on how good you are at grammar or spelling. Just write from the heart.
Rituals for Saying Goodbye
In cycles where a pregnancy has not been achieved it is important to give yourself time to grieve and time to say goodbye. It may sound strange that you are grieving someone that never came to be, but during the cycle you no doubt pictured a little baby that you hoped would come into your life. With a failed cycle that baby has gone and needs to be grieved for. One way to say goodbye is to do a small ritual in whatever way feels comfortable for you. You might light a candle, release a balloon, say a few words, or just sit and be. Don’t underestimate the loss you have experienced and be kind to yourself.
Counselling
Most IVF clinics have counsellors on staff to assist you in your journey. Make use of them. You are dealing with an incredibly emotional journey and sometimes knowing what to do can be confusing. IVF clinic counsellors are trained to guide and support you through every stage.
Telling People What You Want
Don’t be afraid to tell people in your life what you want and need. Often people will be unsure what to say and so say nothing at all, or they will, in an attempt to help but not knowing how, offer words meant for comfort that may actually hurt you. If you can diplomatically let your family and friends know what helps and what doesn’t they will be in a much better position to support you.
IVF is emotionally and physically draining, but these strategies may help you to make your journey toward having a baby just a little bit easier.
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